What’s it Like to be Single (again)

So, yeah. I get that question a lot.

What’s it like to be single again?

Well, it is a  heck of a lot  different from the first go round, I can say that. For one, I am not hanging out in bars (praise the Lord). Two, an evening at home alone is a good thing. Three, I no longer feel the need to be attractive to men.


I spent my 20s in and out of relationships. It was exhausting, really. At that age, everyone is dating and everyone wants to be in a relationship. You’re surrounded by men and women who want to date. By the time I did get married at 29, the pickings were getting slimmer. It’s like a friend said, “You slid in under the wire.”

Jump to now. Single at 54 is very different. Everyone is not in the same boat. Some of us are divorced, widowed and single, others are not. The arena is vastly different. The fish in this sea are not as plentiful, and some are swimming mighty slow. Gyms, bars, work, stores, and so forth are not full of single men my age looking for single women my age. Its a bit more like finding a needle in a haystack. And, I’ve already written that I’m really not interested.

But, to answer the question, so, what’s it like?

Its a bit of a self journey, because it can be. I’m not responsible for another person. I can focus on myself, because I’m it. I’ve begun to understand myself better because there isn’t anyone else that needs me to understand them. I’m discovering my personal preferences, dreams and secret aspirations–things I had no time to think about with a family. Hopefully, all this self reflection won’t make me a more difficult person, who is stuck in her ways. Hopefully, it will make me a better, more caring person, who understands her spot in the world better.

One thing is for certain, depending on God becomes crucial because there is no one else to depend on. That second pair of hands isn’t there, so I find myself praying a lot for strength, physical and otherwise. I find myself praying for the ability to take on the new challenges that I face. God has become extremely real. Once, a friend suggested that my Christianity (new then) would peter out somewhat, and not be so intense, after the “phase” of it wore off. She was absolutely correct. It did lose that flame of passion that accompanies newbies in the faith. No more. God is more real now than he has ever been and for that I am thrilled.

There is the very likely realty that I’ll spend the rest of my life alone. I’ve got to be okay with that. I am okay with that. But, being single isn’t a disease. It’s a way of life. One that I must learn after being married for 24 years, but one that is learn-able. It isn’t horrible. Its just different.

I liked being married, but I like being single.

So, I’ll enjoy being single for now. If God brings a man along with a glass of iced tea, well then, we’ll see what happens. But for now, single is a-okay.