Stoppage Time; Because AT&T Puts Us on Hold for Hours

My Coastie Son has a theory about stoppage time. For those of you unfamiliar with the game of soccer, I’ll give you the basic idea of what stoppage time is. Keep in mind that I was a soccer mom for almost 15 years and, while, sadly, that still does not qualify me to explain off-sides to you (But really? Can anyone explain off-sides in soccer?), I was the keeper of the clock. The clock that said, this game needs to end now, because it is Sunday afternoon and there is still homework and laundry, and all manner of things to attend to before Monday morning. So, in matters of time regarding soccer, I feel I am an expert.

Put simply, in soccer, unlike American football, the clock never stops. The game starts, the clock starts, and no interruption–an injury, a fight (lots of fights), swapping out players, penalties, happy dance for a goal, or dawdling with a throw-in–stops the clock. Between halves, the referee, or more precisely the Fourth Official announces how much time is added to the clock for these interference’s. It keeps the teams honest. They can’t protect a lead by running down the clock during the stoppages. Naturally, the crowds have a lot to say about the number of minutes added onto the clock. Wouldn’t want to be that guy.

At any rate, soccer, like life, doesn’t stop for interruptions.

The fourth official has the ability to use his own discretion about stoppage time. He is not bound to any particular calculation. Hence, the somewhat angry crowds, and I’m sure Monday morning quarterbacks discussing why that amount of stoppage time. But, the time is at the discretion of the official.

Now, we arrive at the Coastie’s son idea. In his analogy, God is the fourth official, and the amount of stoppage time allocated for each person would be at his discretion. You might consider reading this blog as a potential for stoppage time. I’ve read plenty of articles that I’d lobby for stoppage time over. But, I think the Coastie Son is on to something, so here’s my list of what I think should be (or not) stoppage time.

1. Sitting in traffic for two hours because somebody other than you didn’t know how to drive: Stoppage time.

2. Waiting in line at the DMV: Stoppage time.

3. That guy (girl) you wasted sooo much time on: No stoppage time for being a dumba**.

4. Waiting in line to vote: Stoppage time, unless your guy (gal) wins, then no stoppage time.

5. Waiting at the doctor’s office: Obviously stoppage time because if you’re seriously ill you could die before they tended to you, so it’s only fair.

6. Good deeds: No stoppage time because you should be doing those anyway.

7. No good deeds: Stoppage time removed.

8. Calling At&T about your coverage: Stoppage time.

9. Childbirth labor: Stoppage time (sorry guys).

10. Doing your taxes: Need I say it? Stoppage time.

11. Going to work everyday instead of gardening all day: Stoppage time

12. For doing all of the above and going to family holidays: Stoppage time

I could keep going, but you get the point.

So, say you reach 85 and it’s your time. Your day is up, but then the Lord says, okay stoppage time of 8 months. You get an extra 8 months at his discretion, and you can do your own Monday morning quarterbacking about just how he determined that number–or just enjoy the time. It’s your call. But, here’s what you don’t get to do. You don’t get  more stoppage time. Stoppage time is a one-time freebie for all the dawdling, waiting, obliging, being put-on-hold hours accumulated. Like soccer, after the amount of extra time has been played, the game is over.

(Please share your own stoppage time thoughts!)


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