modern family transplanted and still blooming cinthia milner

Looking for My Own Modern Family

I long for a family again. This single mess has gone on long enough.

Late at night on my screened-in porch, I can hear a guy talking 2 screened-in porches away. Because I am a corner house, I have neighbors behind me, and beside me. This guy is behind me. I sit listening in the dark, sliding my glider back and forth, because as much as I love texting, I long for the sound of human voices. And man, does he have a lot to say. Especially in regard to his family. He has opinions about every single cousin, and after 2 years of late night listening, I must say I agree with him completely about his cousin Daniel and Daniel’s wife, Katie. Katie is no good. Daniel really should get the kids. Their court case is next week, and I am tempted to go to the courthouse and participate. I’ve been listening since she was first caught with her old boyfriend, who, by the way, is a drug dealer. I lack sympathy for her. Daniel has given her countless chances. I don’t know that there’s hope she’ll change, and I’m fairly diplomatic. In my own, eavesdropping way, I do feel like they’re family now, though I still do not know this mysterious night-talker’s name. As I listen to him in dark, I nod in agreement. He seems wise, and I feel he was correct on the subject of sidewalks in the town. We need more and wider. His wife never talks. She just shushes the baby, and likely enjoys the quiet of the night, and the sound of her husband’s voice. They leave their light off too, while soothing their little one to sleep.

If you watch much tv (that’s all I’ve done for the last 12 days–it’s the flu) every show seems determined to tell me what family is NOW. Okay, I’m listening because my own family has flown the coop, and I’m looking for a new one. From Modern Family to About a Boy, no one seems interested in a traditional family, but everyone wants to expand the definition. I can’t really say much on the subject since my present family is a voyeuristic, screened-in, eavesdropping experience that I feel is not sitcom worthy. But, I do think after the first little family of Adam and Eve, all other families have been pretty much a blur. So game on for whatever family you feel you might fit with, because isn’t that what family is? That one place in the universe where you just fit? Where everyone knows you and you don’t have to catch them up on the last, in my case, 55 years. They already know, and no they don’t want to hear it again.

Here’s what I’m missing: connections.

I don’t mind chatty conversations about nothing. As these blog posts attest I can rattle on all day about nothing, but I miss human connection. I’m just not sure where to find it.

So, I’ve been watching all these shows on tv. (As if that’s going to help me sort out what family is now–sans kids.) But actually, it does make me feel a little less crazy, because the best shows, the ones you’ll actually watch again and again, are the ones where people connect. It isn’t Cam and Mitchell being gay that makes Modern Family such a popular show. It’s the connection they have with each other, and the genuine love they express. Every time I come away thinking, I want that. I don’t mean a guy and a girl thing, but a whole community of people. The goofy friend, the screechy wife, the bumbling adolescences, the player friend. I like a big mix of people. If you get tired of grandma, go play with a toddler.

I’m just looking for my own Modern Family.

But going out and adopting a family is well, not so easy, and even on sitcoms, sooner or later, the group separates. Maybe that’s why so many people my age move to where their grandchildren are, so they’ll feel as though they’re family again. But then, you risk your daughter-in-law’s ire for eternity, and who can blame her? It’s her turn now to build a family. Does she really want you five minutes away?

I haven’t sorted it out, but I suppose I will. I’ll either make my way down the screened-in porches and help shush the baby while giving my own thoughts on Daniel and Katie, or perhaps I’ll move at least a bit closer to the grand kids. Who knows? But one thing is for sure, its hard to live a life with only friends. Friends are a part of the glue in life, but nothing really beats family. With my kids grown, and far away, and the 70s still a good ways away (okay not that far away, but away), I guess I’m looking for my own Modern Family.

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