Month: November 2013

It’s Christmas Again; Do I Decorate Without Kids?; Finally, an Advent that is truly Advent


Merry

The holidays are here. I’ve written about them once already, but I feel this is going to be a month-long blog about holidays.

So, here’s this holiday topic: to decorate or not for Christmas.

Last year, the holidays were a blur. I had moved in August, which after 25 years is a daunting but actually very good thing to do–talk about purging. And, I was working a new job, so in my usual extremism, I worked, and am working, 24/7 to establish a career after two decades of not having one. The holidays came and went, and I never noticed or considered decorating. Some people referred to me as a Grinch for not standing by the time-honored tradition of “greening the house.” I used the excuses mentioned above to silence their horror, and spent the holidays without tinsel or lights. I didn’t really mind.

But, this year, while I am still unloading storage units, I really don’t have the same excuse. Yes, I still work 24/7, but life has slowed down a bit, and I could decorate if I took a notion. But, that’s the deal. I haven’t really taken a notion. So, I am actually asking myself the question this year, do I decorate when the kids are all grown and the grandkids are not coming to my house? Do I go to the trouble of sorting through boxes and running to Lowe’s for a tree stand? Or do I give myself permission to  skip it? Am I allowed the freedom to enjoy the reason for the season without dealing with the trappings for the season?

Here’s the bottom line. With a house full of kids, you’d have to be the biggest scrooge ever not to make Christmas Christmas. But living alone, well, it frees you up to do things differently. Hence my question of decorations or no?

No longer do I feel obligated to decorate, now the question is, do I want too? My friends say I am apathetic about it, but I don’t think so. I think by forgoing the bling of Christmas, my focus can be more on the reason, Jesus. I feel like, for the first time in forever, I can spend Advent pondering the coming of the Savior. The baby in the manager has my full attention, something that could never happen with little ones excited for Santa. Yes, I miss those days, but these days are precious too. I can sit by my fire in the evening and read aloud those wonderful passages from Isaiah, like Isaiah 9:6.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

I am protective of this new Christmas of the heart. While my friends joke and prod, wanting me to “get in the mood,” I joke and say, THIS IS AS MERRY AS WE GET.  And truly, if you consider my dark house, wreath-less door, empty mantel and the missing pine smell, you might consider me a Scrooge. But, deep inside my heart it is warm, and the fires are burning with the contemplation of the coming Savior, and work is being done there as he tidies up and does his own decorating.

Holiday Traditions; What to do with Family; How do You Cook a Turkey?


The topic here is this: WHAT THE HECK DO I DO WITH THE HOLIDAYS?

Who travels to whose house, and what are the new traditions going to be? ”

Do I make new traditions or stick with the old? One kid is married, one soon to be, 3 grandchildren, empty-nest most of the time, single again. So, what’s what with the holidays? My friend, Jen, and I were talking about this very thing over dinner. We googled what do do at the holidays when you’re an empty nester? We actually got some pretty good ideas.

Hey adult children are hard. Just a head’s up for those of you who still have little ones.

My mom gave up on this topic early on. Before she died, she and her boyfriend, Bob, would drive around looking at Christmas lights while listening to a radio station narrating the experience. Then they hit up the Cracker Barrel. Not a bad plan.

Some families do the Double Holiday deal. Go to one parents house, then the other. If said parent’s are divorced, that’s 4 houses in one day. 4 meals and 4x the grumpy kids. If grandparent’s are still hanging in there with their holiday traditions, then adult children are screwed. How many holiday affairs can one family go to and not decide that next year it is Tahiti baby?

Okay, so, if life is transitioning then it stands to reason that the TRADITIONS are TRANSITIONING. (I should name the post that, but I won’t because I prefer long wordy titles to quick, snappy ones.)

So what to do? I don’t know. I’m literally playing it by ear year-to-year. This Thursday I’ll be at the Grove Park Inn Spa, alone and well, probably pretty darn happy. It’s been a long year of hard work. A spa day indeed. Then dinner at The Vue 1913, joined by one child and his girlfriend. I am actually looking forward to doing something different, and I’m beginning to figure out that if I don’t change, I’ll be left behind.

Still, there are lingering conflicted emotions. Subtitled and all.

Conflicted Emotions

The older I get, the more people I miss. That’s the thing, more and more people are missing from my holiday table. It ain’t just the kids anymore. My daddy. My mom. Old friends. And, as my table diminishes in size, and my ability to cook flies out the window, I find the holidays are transitioning in more ways than where to spend them and what new traditions to come up with. I miss the people who used to grace my holiday table.

I  go to my children’s homes and feel blessed beyond measure to see them and be with them, but I do miss that table set for everyone. I miss the faces I grew used to seeing year after Thanksgiving year. I miss my holiday traditions, even as I embrace the new ones that aren’t so traditional.

Holiday Traditions Wish

I often ask my kids, Okay what’s the best case scenario here? If you could have anything? So I ask myself, best case scenario? Easy. Everyone around my table for one meal. Just one. The whole family together for one day, one hour, one moment in time. Then we can all go back to separate lives and separate ambitions, but, for that one holiday day, there’d be no holes, no one missing from my table.

And, I’d remember how to cook a turkey.

 

A Suggestion for the Anti-Moms: Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook


Martha Stewart’s Homekeeping Handbook is huge. As in, over 700 pages long. Evidently, that is nothing compared to some of the home Homekeepingkeeping handbooks roaming the world. Martha informs the reader that one such book is some 1600 plus pages in length. That seems a bit daunting but I believe I’d still read every word of it. There is something about page after page of house cleaning tips (not to mention a schedule) that just compels me. If you’re rolling your eyes, well, what can I say? I’m a sucker for a clean house and love a woman who writes a book on how to do it.

My hairdresser, Anna, noted, at my last highlight and cut visit, that there is a trend among moms NOT TO CLEAN. They don’t like doing it, they don’t feel like they should be the ones doing it (why do they think they had kids???), they can’t afford a maid to do it, their husbands aren’t taking the initiative on doing it (really, how surprising…), so they simply don’t do it. They refuse to clean and the mess piles up.

I really don’t know how to address that.

Anna referred to it as the “anti-mom” movement. This not cleaning the house business has an actual name. So if the mom is busy being the anti-mom, who is being the mom?

It does stink that moms went to work but dads didn’t jump in on the household chores. It really does. Because the math on that is simple. For the women it looks like this: A career + a clean home= 2 jobs. For the men it looks like this: Wife goes to work + a dirty house= he doesn’t care about a dirty house but loves the extra income.

So, yes, it stinks but as for me, I could never stand a dirty house. I still can’t. Ask my kids how many times they had to re-clean the bathroom while learning that particular chore. Right down to the baseboards. 

What a shame I didn’t have Martha’s handbook then. I could have posted her weekly schedule for them. Here’s a sample just for the kitchen. Once a week you should:

  • Wipe all surfaces including sink, ventilation hood, outside of refrigerator, cupboards–basically all surfaces and doors including shelves in cabinets and furniture.
  • Discard all food and drink past its prime.
  • Wipe out the garbage bin and recycle bin (both inside and out).
  • Vacuum and mop the floor.
  • Flush drain with boiling water.

Lord, I love this woman. Of course, you should do all of that. And, if you’re thinking that is simply too much for one week, do one thing a day. If you wait until it piles up, well that does become impossible. I suggest moving at that point.

Here’s the thing. Beauty takes effort. But that’s what cleaning and taking care of our homes really is–creating a space of beauty for everyone (the mom included) to enjoy.

photo 1

Martha would be proud. My living room (and my legs, which don’t look as good as the living room).

And, before you get all bent out of shape here and groan about not having the time, the energy, the whatever…I ain’t talking perfection, here, just a bit of a reality check. Moms judging moms is likely what created said Anti-Mom movement in the first place. Chill on one another. Help one another. My BFF Debbie cleaned up my rotting potatoes (that were dripping brown goo from the cupboard under the sink onto my kitchen floor). She didn’t hesitate in her skinny jeans, french manicure, and fashionista style (on the way to dinner), to get down on the floor, find the rotting potatoes, toss them out and then clean up the mess. Take note and follow suit.